Silence is not Golden..In Marriage: Communicate Often

Almost a year ago, Bruce and I came together and wrote 12 things we learned our 1st year of marriage. We are coming up on 2 years and I wanted to take the time to elaborate on another topic on the list!!


We have a picture in our home that depicts vital things that married couples should do in order to ensure a successful marriage. One task listed, is to COMMUNICATE OFTEN! If asked, I am sure that many of us would say that communication is one of the most important keys to a successful marriage.

Communicating often, sounds like a given! In fact, it sounds very simple but sometimes it is not always that simple. Each person in the marriage has to make a quality decision to not only communicate with their spouse when everything is going well, but also in times of conflict. Communicating in conflict is the challenge! Many people including myself are guilty of kicking into “silent mode” at the point of frustration, disappointment or disagreement. I have learned that these moments are where you have to “Do the Work of Communicating.” During conflicts, we must press through our “negative emotions”, and communicate with our spouse. Bruce and I have noticed that once we press through that initial “silent mode”, and share our hearts we can solve the conflict quickly and effectively. So the next time you find your self slipping into “silent mode”, make a decision to communicate despite your “feelings.” Your marriage will be better because of your decision!

Okay, now this is the fun part, well for me at least lol! I love to talk. I can talk, talk, and then talk some more! Bruce is opposite of me, he doesn’t talk as much, but boy is he a great listener (smile). Like many couples, we communicate very differently, and it is quite okay. You and your spouse may have different ways of communicating, but the point is for you to communicate. Since I talk more than my spouse, I challenge myself to listen more and Bruce challenges himself to talk more. It’s not always comfortable, but it is good! Throughout your day think of creative ways to talk to your spouse. Maybe through random phone calls or text messages. Or try turning the music down while riding in the car or conversing while eating dinner. We have found that communicating often has strengthened our friendship, which has served a strong foundation for our marriage.

I want to inject a statement to always remember, “Your Spouse Can Not Read Your Mind”. I have experienced moments in our marriage where I thought that Bruce could read my mind! The funny thing is, every time I thought he should know what I was thinking he had no clue! I believe that many couples find themselves in unnecessary conflicts because they assume and demand that there spouse “reads their mind.” I want to announce that it is a complete waste of time, energy and frustration to put this type of responsibility on your spouse. Some (often women) put the pressure on their spouses to read their mind because they feel like their spouse should instinctively “know” what they desire.  Also they feel like if their spouse can read their mind it is proof of their love and attentiveness to them. (I have been guilty of this)  This is a dangerous myth.  I completely agree that husbands and wives should be sensitive and responsive to each others needs and desires. But, I do not believe that it is fair or realistic to expect them to “read your mind.” As married couples, each person has a the separate responsibility of communicating their feelings, needs, and desires to their spouse. Once the before mentioned are communicated then the spouse can do their best with God’s help to meet the needs of their husband/wife. It is important to remember that this principle should also be applied to our times of intimacy with one another (big smile). I encourage all of us to throw the “read my mind” idea out the window. Your marriage will be more blessed because of it!

In closing, make a covenant with your spouse and with God to work on the communication in your marriage. Remember that “Silence is not golden” and communicating often with strengthen your marriage. We believe God that our marriage and your marriage will increase in peace and joy as we grow stronger in our ability to communicate with our spouse.

Let me know what you think about this blog? Have you experienced this in your marriage or in other relationships?

With Love and Blessings,

Rotoya G.

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